Chapter... (English translation)

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LANGUAGE OF THE ORIGINAL: RUSSIAN

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How many ellipses does it take to describe this long year?
I have grown thin.
They told me my skin is pale, but I don’t believe what I can’t see.
No.
I don’t see.
The sun that once gave light is dead.
The city’s sky is sealed with steel, and instead of a bright star, my office is lit by a dim bulb…
Outside, dull streetlights stand beneath which dull people walk.
I’ve noticed I’m afraid of bright light.
When a fire breaks out in one part of the city, I hide under the bed, afraid the flames from the window will devour me too…
I’ve begun to fear time.
Sleep and reality have mixed together.
I don’t know whether my dreams are sweet, or whether reality itself is the nightmare…
Do I sleep in order to fall asleep?
Or to wake up?

It’s hard for me to confidently say “yesterday” or “tomorrow”.
I only have now.
And my “now” is…
5:00.
6:46.
17:59…

After the recent optimization, they stopped buying us calendars.
Now we have…
“Accounting Month X”.
So…
In Accounting Month X–1, I started smashing my head against the wall for the first time.
It feels good.
It helps me remember how insignificant I am.
It helps me remember that crowds of D2 people roam the city, who—
No…
Wait…
They no longer roam.
In Accounting Month X, mortality statistics increased.
They say working conditions at enterprises have worsened so much that people are skipping the D2 phase…
But that’s not true.
They skip D2 –
And we bring them back there.
Therefore…
…
I’m tired.
Because of the lack of understanding of day and night, I began working night shifts…
Or were they day shifts?
Patients came constantly.
I’ve already grown used to the endless streams of creatures that had to be cleared out and destroyed…
And to the emptiness…
Tabula rasa…
Deep down, I envied those people.
They are happy.
Even if only for a short moment before death…
They are pure.
…
In Accounting Month X, I started hearing strange sounds.
Screams.
Crying.
When I stepped into the corridor, I saw nothing but the corridor.
A long, damn corridor, from whose ends something was screaming.
…
My office is a dump.
Everything is filled with paper cranes I folded to distract myself from strange thoughts…
Patients complained, but their words were lost in the building’s mute indifference…
The manager disappeared somewhere.
I haven’t seen him since the last metal plate eclipsed the sun.
…

…

…

.

What is all this for.
The window frame.
Below…
Asphalt.
I’ll break myself…
I’ll shatter.
…
But maybe that’s what I want…
Just one damn step…
Come on…
You were always a good medium, and here it is.
Your peak.
The end.
They’ll talk about you.
They won’t forget you…
And after 24 hours… or maybe even earlier…
Your body will simply be taken out and dumped beyond the city…
You’ll be reborn as a tree…
And finally be able to slowly return to the world of beauty…
To a world where green grass grows…
And where the sun shines.

I close my eyes and…

Crack.

???

What was that?
I snapped back to my senses and jumped back into the office, clutching my head with my hands…
What am I doing?!
What the hell am I doing?!
No…
No!
This is not the end!
Not the end!!!

But…
What was that crack?
It came from somewhere behind the wall…
I stepped into the cold corridor and looked around.
The neighboring office was only two steps away.
Even glancing into that dark dimness sent shivers down my spine…
Shivers!
Not convulsions…
Those… sweet… disgusting goosebumps…
The ones I missed…
I took a step.
Then another.

In front of me stood a wooden door, which I knocked on.
…
No one?
I grabbed the handle and pressed it.
…
…?
…?!
Locked?!
I ran to the next room, opened it, and saw a medium sleeping.
Nothing was broken…
…
No…
I returned to that door, and fear seized me.
Someone had locked themselves in and was dying…
I could feel it.

I rammed the door with my shoulder with all my strength, badly injuring it and knocking the door off its hinges.
A medium lay on the floor, a bloody wound on his forehead…
Fragments of a vase lay nearby.

“Damn…”

One thing is seeing death in a dream…
Another is seeing it in real life.

I didn’t know what to do.
I bent down.
I took his hand…
And he moved…
He’s alive!
Damn… but he’s going to die soon!

“Someone, help!” I screamed…
But no one came.
Whether from despair or emotion, I invaded his world.

…

And…
There was nothing in his world.
No emotions.
No objects.
No memories…
There wasn’t even emptiness.
Some kind of faceless limbo—colorless, beyond human perception…

“You broke the door?” a voice echoed.

I turned and saw a man glowing like a candle against the backdrop of nothing.
“Why did you—”
“Heron, right?” he interrupted me.
“Yes, but—”
“Then I remembered correctly.” He hesitated. “Do you know my name?”
“… ”
“You don’t… No one does. I even learned your name by accident, back in January…”
I looked at him questioningly.
“In Accounting Month X–1,” he corrected himself.
“I saw your photo with the caption: ‘Heron — Employee of the Month.’”
“But why did you—”
“Break the vase? Can’t you see?” He gestured around.
“This is my world.”
“…”
“Everyone thinks we are conduits… but no. We are candles.
We are merely flames that ignite souls and burn filth.
But every flame is destined to go out.
Sooner.
Or later.”
“So you…?”
“I’ll go out soon, yes.” He said quietly, lowering his head.
“But—”
“You can’t save me. I made sure I would die completely.
I’m tired, Heron. Everyone is tired.”
“But there is another way!”
“There is. I sent reports and letters far beyond this city’s borders.
They will find us.
They will help us.
But we will never see it—
because by then, we ourselves will become… D3.”
“…”
“I decided to skip that moment…”
“…”
“I decided not to turn into a soulless creature…”
“…”
“Why are you silent?”

Tears welled up in my eyes.
I remembered my life before I became a cog.
I remembered boys laughing while playing war games…
I remembered farmers complaining about drought…
I remembered…
Alicia…
Where is she now?
Only the devil knows.
I became a pale shadow of myself.
A little more—and I myself will become…
D3.
A few more days of this life, and I’ll completely lose my mind.
I’ll lie on the floor.
Hold a paper crane above my forehead…
And smash my skull to hell.
…
“Well, what an imagination you have…”

?!
He saw what I was thinking?!
Of course.
I’m still in his world…
“Don’t worry, Heron.” He floated toward me and smiled.
“Don’t worry.”
“But how can I not worry…” I said through sobs, wiping burning tears.
“What has my life become?!”
“Heron,” he said softly.
“Your chapter is not finished yet.”
What?!

CRACK.