Tired of Pretending

I am tired of pretending that I'm fine in front of my friends,my parents,my cousins and myself.This is just not what I really feel inside and its hurting me everytime I tried to shrug this feelings out of my heart.My heart is beating not for me but for you-all of you.I still alive today because of you..Everybody called me an Idiot almost like every day.So,I want to live and show all of you that I am not an Idiot.I want to feel like I am the real me and not a clone.I want to have my own personalities and not these personality that you gave me.I want to find something that can make me strong and happy all the time until I die.I want to have my time alone without you talking shit about me behind my back when I'm not looking.I'm not depressed but I feel lonely.I feel like I got nothing to do with myself because I always being used by you.Now,I'm telling you that I'm not alright